2003 Le Monde du Merde article:

NEW ORLEANS: As a result of recent geopolitical and paranormal upheavals, the normal parameters of America's hurricane season have shifted and now extend well into February.

The one moist city most vulnerable to this metamorphosis is the beloved "Big Easy". Once again New Orleanians are at the epicenter of hedonism and hurricanism. The mystical subkrewe Comatose has learned of this danger from the retired local weather guru Nash Roberts...well in advance of other citizenry.

Comatose has remained strictly OFF THE RECORD during their preparations for a possible Mardi Gras Maelstrom.

Our Royalty


Her Majesty Queen Aimee I and
His Majesty King John-Michael I

 

Theories abound as to why the storm season has lengthened:

1. Excessive media coverage of every tiny weather system has created a "blowhard, windbag" effect that now generates the rare EL NINYO LOCO.
2. Technological advances spearheaded by pornography have steered giant blowing and sucking winds straight up the Mississippi River Gulf Outlet.
3. Ever more gigantic cruise ships interfacing with monstrous overhead power lines have created a hyperkinetic electromagnetic hurricanic dissonance field.
4. Home Depot executives and plywood manufacturers have been seeding the stratosphere during alleged "experiments" from the space shuttle Endeavour....clandestinely creating more hurricanes.
5. Pat O'Briens green satellite television dish is actually beaming molecules of rum into Louisiana's skies that combine with swamp gas to foment typhoonisms

6. The New Orleans Sewerage and Water Board, afraid that they will someday finish the Napoleon Avenue project, have been seen conducting voodoo rituals, praying that THE BIG ONE will strike and permit them to begin anew.
7. The success of the local music industry has been mushrooming...the large number of spinning compact discs have been the genesis of a clockwise rotation of melodies into the air that attract all manner of storms.

Confusion and chaos, first cousins to Comatose, still permeate the ranks of this motley subkrewe. Most male krewe members heard a call to EJACULATE! instead of evacuate and prepared to fornicate with a large woman!

While Mayor Nagin fiddles and New Orleans floods, the once brave and fatalistic KREWE OF COMATOSE has been scared shitless. We have built a commodesque float so we can EVACUATE! DA BIG ONE IS COMIN'

2002 BreweDoo (The 1st event of the 2003 seson)

Comatose enters the brewe-tally competitive world of KdV home brewing for the first time and shows some promising signs of life.

Comatose at the 2002 BreweDoo with Brain Dead Brews by Brewemeister John Michael
---Laudanum Stout and Terminal Ale-ment.


 

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