A new discovery by the Krewe of Comatose could forever alter the face of Catholicism.

Searching for evidence of a depraved new world - a task the somnambulistic, mysterious krewe embraced with missionary zeal - Comatose used an assortment of smelling salts and other substances to rouse itself to what passes for life with this zombified group. Having achieved semi-consciousness, the languid souls prepared to lick dry the dew of depravity that mildews the masses.

Our Royalty


Her Majesty Queen ______ and
His Majesty King
_______

 

Comatose decided to begin the investigation within the neurological underpinnings of spiritual and mystical experience deep within their own saturated minds. Brain autopsies of the current membership shockingly revealed the complete lack of an amygdala, leaving them devoid of fear and unable to recognize threats.

Further tests revealed that continuous ingestion of psychedelics had put the brakes on the krewe's collective hippocampus, leaving them also unable even to maintain equilibrium. In short, they were uniquely qualified to access the subliminal consciousness of New Orleans.

The vision that came to them revealed a cunning, linguistic priest. This shadowy Father figure had studied ancient texts, and found a crucial mis-translation of a word from the earliest of priestly laws, a mistake that had copied over and over through the ages. The error was simple, but implications were staggering: that single, misinterpreted word was "celebrate", not "celibate".

Immediately sharing the joy of his discovery, the priapatic priest alerted all the local convents (and Catholic girls' schools). In the divinely orgiastic epiphanies that followed, Comatose locked onto the formerly deprived, now depraved minds of the celebrants, and the secret was out.

Comatose will break its discovery to the world during the Krewe du Vieux parade on January 19, donning all manner clerical garb and adorning itself with chasubles, albs, birettas, surpluses, delmatics, and mitres. Our Lady of Perpetual Mojo, the "Promptest Seductress of All", shall ride magnificently atop their float. She and her lustful pastor will exercise and exorcise to the sounds of holy brass band music. Collection plates will encourage bystanders to donate to the Comatose Nunnery for Nymphomaniacs. Comatose will lick the habit with missionary zeal.

 

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