MARTINI-MARIETTA - The entire American space project, futurologists and visionaries such as Carl Sagan, Bucky Fuller, Robert Heinlein - even Arthur C. Clarke himself could never have foreseen that which Comatose hath wrought for this depraved new millennium.

Our Royalty

His Majesty King Jeff 

As the world slept and worked and counted ballots and looked up towards the heavens, yearning for the day when everyone, everywhere, could step out into the street with a "go-cup", the quiet, strong and brave members of the Krewe of Comatose toiled tirelessly in preparation for getting blasted off.

The rigorous training for this top secret mission has included consuming large quantities of liquid propellant; spinning around in giant centrifuges; inhaling deeply at rave parties; and being bombarded with deadly extra-terrestrial chads. This exhaustive regimen, combined with poor breeding, the best New Orleans public school educations and serious substance abuse has proven without a doubt that Comatose does indeed possess "The Wrong Stuff".

Recent events across America, particularly those in Florida, have demonstrated that in fact many people are truly Comatose. Therefore, the time has come to reveal the (un)nature of the Comatose mission.

Toiling deep within the bowels of the Martini-Marietta space facility and lounge, Comatose has built a rocket more powerful than anything seen before on this planet. Fueled by dimpled chads and Nader campaign literature, it is capable of launching a light-weight payload to the farthest reaches of the galaxy.

The last stumbling block to the success of this mission was finding a lightweight payload. However, an obvious candidate has emerged: that scion of federal featherheads, George W. Bush. Following the fallacy his ascension to the presidency, the younger Shrub will soon be catapulted to a distant galaxy. The preliminary landing target for the airhead astronaut is the oil-based planet Marathon.

To protect the fledgling space cadet against the dangers of extra-terrestrial travel and accurate vote tallies, Shrub will be given a magical phallic chainy, as well as dunce-cap shaped space helmet and an elephantine co-pilot.

Lift-off is set for the night of February 10 at 7 pm.. All citizens are urged to be properly fueled and fired up, and reminded to "lick Bush".

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